Wednesday, February 14, 2007
How did I spend my Valentine's day?? Truth is this is the most memorable Valentine's day in my entire 17 years of living. You guys need not know why...but I'm telling you anyway. [haha]
I woke up, like I would in any ordinary day. You see, Valentine's day has always been special to me since high school but not today. I've grown mature and I don't seem to get it why I so want to have a boyfriend back then [aww, so childish]. And as usual, I haven't reviewed for my long test in Filipino [feeling major talaga 'tong subject na to]. So the sluggish lil' me woke up to eat my favorite food for the morning, tortang talong [you guys think that I was gonna study right? And by the way I'm a veggie]. I forgot about the date. But whatever.
After I have eaten my "my-day-is-not-complete-without-this" food, I took the urge to finally review [the most boring subject I've ever taken] Fil. I finished too early for my next class. I was thinking if I could do something [that I would usually do when I have nothing to do--got that?]. I thought about going to church.
As I got there, I saw the flower shop, and my God how unusual--there were only 2-3 people outside. I took a peek. Kaya pala anliit ng mga nandun kasi ang mamahal pala ng mga bulaklak goodness. But still I thought of buying one. It's just money. I don't care if I bought one for 50 pesos anyway. I just wanted to do something that I haven't done yet. Good thing [timing!], the cashier didn't have enough change for my money so he just gave it to me for 40 pesos [aaww, my first Valentine blessing!].
I entered the Jaro Cathedral's opening gate. The chapel has always been the safest place in the world for me. I would always go there, talk to Him about how my life is messed up, how desperate I am sometimes and I would confess to Him that I told somebody that 'she sucked' [God is everyone's bestfriend, that makes Him my bestfriend].
So as I was saying, I entered the chapel. Upon the opening of the chapel, the guard greeted me his sweet [uhh] greeting,k "Happy Valentine's Day!". I gave him a bashful smile [I don't smile at people that I don't know--which is why I'm often mistaken as arrogant]. Then as I was writing on my "To:" card, he told me: "How much is each rose?" [He doesn;t need to know about the whole 10 pesos tawad just because the cashier didn't have change for it you know] I answered back, "50 pesos each". Then he said: "Wow, those roses are indeed too expensive today, but I know there's not such thing as 'expensive' when you're going to give it to somebody special right?". Hmm...he's got a point, why didn't I even think of that. All I thought about was I was going to give God that present. "Right you are, Manong."
I went in. The usual. I talked to Him. This time I told Him about my concerns about love. How okay it was not to have any boyfriend for now, why I am so not interested in dating, and why I wanted so much more from my life before having a relationship [this topic is so out of my world you know]. Then talked to Him about my wishes and what I really wanted [or maybe who I really wanted..haha!]. And finally, I gave Him my little present, the rose which I bought. [Oh men that cashier has no idea how he brightened up my morning just because he's got not change]
I went out, confident on facing the day. Happy because I found the perfect moment that would complete this special occassion. And I'm satisfied.
I got to school, everyone was greeting everybody but there would be some who would still bury their faces with books. But seeing my friends is enough for me to rejoice that I am l.o.v.eed.
Dinner, I'm alone at home with my Lola and her taga-alaga, well all my cousins are probably with their dates. I'm the only one who's single at home so don't ask why. I texted my classmate from high school. I told her that I needed to go out bacause I might feel a bit more depressed if I just stayed at home. She agreed since she's so "badtrip" with her Geo class. So I went out with an unattached girl friend [singles rock!].
We talked about a lot of things. I updated and so did she. We shared a few silly stories about what we dreamt nights before. My classmate is a writer. I told her that I dreamt about somebody one night. And it was very unusual because it was too vivid. She said that it was "cute" [I hate that word, even though somebody would tell me that--as if there would be?! haha! Kidding! We are all born beautiful]. She got so amazed so she wanted to put my story on paper. I would love to read that story on Forum Dimensions! hehe. We laughed and talked until we had our last gulp of coffee. And I'm satisfied
And right now, I'm in front of the monitor, writing all that had happend the previous hours in this day. I'm finishing this day off by sharing my experiences and listening to My Chem. And I'm satisfied.
welcome to the black parade :: | :: 8:55 PM
Sunday, February 04, 2007
I have diarrhea and acid on my stomach. I'm tired and I want to sleep.
There's not much to say right now. I just feel like updating. I'm going back to school again tomorrow. I hate school. But I need to.
It's a good thing I got sick. Just to see if I was human. [Geez, I never thought my parents could care a lot when I get sick]
Alert. My Gerard Way obsession is getting worse than I thought. That in fact I'm having troubles sleeping at night. Maybe I should see a psychiatrist or something. A psychiatrist once adviced that it was normal. So maybe I could continue my Gee OB.
This. If I could never get a new computer now, then I'd be sending my waves at bay. Why? For God's sake I am an IT student! [here goes the rant] How am I ever gonna survive college if I never got a computer of my own? Think, I will survive but an unsatisfactory suvival. Help.
Cannot be. I read something from wikipedia according to an MCR forum, that gerard was gay. He could not be gay! No way! He could not be gay! I don't believe this! Whoever edited that topic is such a [forgive me] moron. Okay, this might be just the result of misconception and my rants are just results of obsession and denial [God, am I crazy?]. Grrrrr! [okay...I'm taking this easy]
That I am so gone. Ever experienced a teacher burning like hell because of you? I made this itsy-bitsy mistake then =kaboom=. She favored those who were sooo sweet to her [aaaw<--this sucks]. Teachers like her should not teach. I know it's natural that some teachers, well practice favoritism. But I am so against it. I wish I got a better school.
I just can't get myself right now. I'd stay on my room for no reason and my tambayan would be in front of the monitor for hours. I see that my parents worry for me. I hate pork, I don't like eating and I haven't eaten since 2 days ago. I can't be anorexic, can I? I see myself fat, and yes I am. I don't have the ache for food but I still munch on chocolates [I know I should not]. Anything that has oil makes me want to vomit. I sleep a lot now. I skip meals too--unconciously. Is this the result of too much acid [I ate peanuts teh whole week--what can I say, I love them]?
Labels: gerard, my chemical romance, sick
welcome to the black parade :: | :: 3:33 PM
Saturday, January 27, 2007
We just finished filming some of the scenes that we'll be having for our movie trailer project in Multimedia. I'm so tired and a bit washed out.
I'm just so thankful to everybody who helped us with all the "hukay" of the props. I have cold and I think I'm about to have a headache. I've become a bit irritable these days too. I wonder why.
A groupmate [in this project], is making my nerves itch. I don't know actually. She didn't do anything as a matter of fact. She's so kind, so sweet that [sometimes] it becomes corny and it lights my ass up. [it's in a survey that one of the things that irritates people is: corniness (tama ba spelling?)] Let's face it, I'm acting kinda b*tchy right now. I hate this.
My head is all messed up. I don't know which task to handle first: my midterm exam in Programming, my feeling major exam in PE, my movie trailer or my suffering health [I hate this]. And...by the way, I'm getting fat as usual. I'm not eating tonight and maybe the following nights. I don't like food anymore. Except veggies [they're not food, they're alternatives for food---because food makes us fat. Okay this maybe is a wrong interpretation but what the heck]. My throat soars so I have this good excuse not to eat [talk about fooling myself].
Okay shift topic, my Uncle just arrived and guess what, my cousin bought me MCR's latest album [geez, I don't know why I hardlickin' like that band so much]. Mom told him that it was my latest: OB--obsession. I'm not obsessed, I'm just freakin' crazy about them! I have no idea how MCR's music morphed me into somebody else. I just don't know. [Like the way I answered my Dad back when he told me to shift to Nursing] My God, he has no idea about how many parents ever wished their kids to stick to only one course [less financial waste]--unless of course, they're illegal and they're kids would find themselves surrounded by media asking about bombings and death threats [whatever].
Right now, I just wished I get all my problems in school solved and this [itsy bitsy] presonality prob. Before it takes over me...and one day I 'll wake up with the world against me. I don't want that, besides who wanted it, would be such a moron.Labels: dramatic, irritable moment, my chemical romance
welcome to the black parade :: | :: 6:15 PM
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
I am now listening to Famous Last Words by My Chemical Romance their latest hit. I'm turning a bit of an "emo" nowadays. Maybe because I could express well with this new wave of personality. I like it. I want to live with it. It's like I felt like, I could be anything that I wanted to be. Nobody cares. So shut up [kidding, of course not you]. One problem is. My Dad, he hates black and he's bound to maybe hate me forever. He sees my slow pace change of style and looks. I go to church on baggy pants and of course minus the argyle socks. I don't know how my friends back in the province would react to it or maybe adjust to the new me, but all I know is, my college cliques did well. Ever since I moved here in the city, I kinda acted different. From the kinds of words that I speak and maybe the preferences. Food, drinks, clothing, tambayans but no, no drugs please and add the cigars and beers [I don't like them]. My room is messy and so is my hair. I was once this Taekwondo Junkie and I am part of the varsity team. I am sweet and innocent before I left the province. When I got their. Shocking, looks like I got out of place. But of course, I could never forget where I came from. Whenever I get back home, I'd be back on my black [of course I can't live without black] slippers, baggy [here we go again] jogging pants and fit [at last a piece that isn't even EMO!] blouse.
I don't care what other people say about this new uh...trend [?] that I am bound to become. What worries me is what my parents would say about their child. I know that ever since, my parents wanted pink and white for me instead of red and black. Ballet instead of taekwondo and keys instead of the strings. My Dad's birthday was yesterday, and I don't want to disapoint him so, I greeted him with the usual pasweet moves. I don't like to be sweet anymore. I'm growing up and it doesn't mean that I'm the only girl among the three (kids) of us, I had to be this sweet lil thing everybody's talking about: adorable. And by the way, my Dad hates loud, "turn it off please!" music. We are so totally different.
My cousins whom I live with here in the city aren't emos. They're extraordinary party animals and rockers too. I had a hard time getting along with them that's why sometimes, I get depressed and walk away. Then all of a sudden, I found myself: "oh, so this is me". And all that happend was more of looking beyond what I can see in the province. That there are a lot of things that I could think about. And that shaped me to be this way.Labels: change, emo, my chemical romance
welcome to the black parade :: | :: 10:18 AM
Friday, January 19, 2007
I'm having troubles with my relationship with my college classmates right now. Not that I started a fight again, but it's just that, I'm feeling a bit torn right now.
Midterms' done and so am I with all the trash talk in our classroom. I studied from 11:30pm until the sun rose and I can't even feel a single ache in my head. At least not for now...what made my head ache like hell was all the (like I've said) TRASHTALK that my peeps were buzzin'. I can't help their early moans and cries ans serious (backbiting) sessions. I can't even be that sure that they don't stab me at the back. I'm tired of them making false judgements against other people who don't even give a damn about what they do! Geezz, won't they even stop acting like babies coz they're now in college?! I too tired of listening to them when they talk about their new this and new that. I mean who cares about those stuffs, the more they talk about it the more other people would think sh*t about them. I don't care if they aced a hundred percent FLAT grade in Multimedia or in Programming! The competition tears me apart. I don't want to compete. It'll only make horrible relationships out of us.
My I don't know what's gotten into me right now. But one thing I know is for sure. I don't know my friends anymore. The more they rise up as "productive" individuals the more their heads turn into a 16 seat ferris wheel. To the point that they could hurt other people (and I'm pretty sure that includes me). Anybody could be their target. Here's a quote for them: GROW UP!
welcome to the black parade :: | :: 4:13 PM
Saturday, December 30, 2006
HI...it's been a while...I've been making a few mistakes right now. And I'm asking GOD if He could help me out with my "attitude" problem. It's kinda hard actually. I don't want people come knockin' at my door screaming to my face what a "bitch" I am. After all, I still wanted to be Mrs. Gerard Way in the near future. Nobody cares if I wanted that as a dream. Libre lang namang mangarap a. So anyway, what I'm trying to say here's I gotta take care of my FCUKin' ego before it bursts...I'll be the one caught dead if I don't do something about it. I guess I was born this way. Breaking the rules and end up hurting myself...Pretty hard right??
Who cares anyway...sometimes, it takes time to let other people know who you really are. Well few of my pals knew who I really was. My God, I couldn't even hear the words I've spoken, couldn't even imagine what I was doing all along. It's hard to explain, but honestly, I still don't know myself very well...do I need a therapy or something? I can't even sometimes feel God. I wanted to feel Him, like He's just there telling me: "It's okay, We're going to fix you." . .if ever He's there...that would be really nice. Most especially for the years to come.
welcome to the black parade :: | :: 7:58 PM
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Okay...I'm cutting the whole Rigil thing out...I've separated my life with him and his feeling-edgy gf.
I'm soo happy right now. Wanna know why?? Coz I felt a lot more at ease. My cousin and I recovered the friendship we've shared from a few of my childish mistakes a long time ago. We talked for hours! From the moment I went in our room until she got off to work (she woks as a call agent--amazing working stud)
The early morning jog. On second thought...was it a jog we made kanina? Coz we walked all throughout the ROTC jog! haha! Coz they asked us to walk naman. E di maglalakad!
KwatroKantos. The only band I am so familiar with here in Iloilo. With Eman (from Pinoy Dream Academy) as the vocalist, who could not recognize them here in our province? Well, even though he got kicked out, I'm still proud of him. I didn't notice him, they had this gig in a huge event in school once before he got inside the Academy. By the way, you should listen to his song, Waiting List...I liked it.
Irritating. I wonder why I get so irritated easily. As I've read in Reader's Digest just a while ago about "What Irritates you", I figured out that it was still normal to be irritated with "KNOW-IT-ALLS". In the morning jog that I was talking about, a classmate of mine acted like a know-it-all! In RD's survey, know-it-alls ranked number 1 in the Philippines as the most common reason why pinoys go nuts! As I was saying about my classmate, well, she nearly embarassed me in front of my friends after saying that she knows this and that which made me shut up for a moment to think of my response to her kabastusan. I called it kabastusan kasi, really it was! You shouldn't butt in other people's ideas unless you have something "meaningful" to say. Meaningful, yung hindi nakakasakit yung ibig kong sabihin.
Hey...my class should be starting any minute now...gotta leave.
welcome to the black parade :: | :: 12:08 PM